An open invitation

Aug 19, 2024

The Gist of Unschooling: Invite your children to learning that engages their ambition and delight

At its best, Unschooling is the idea that you should act as your child’s librarian, offering and recommending books, activities, and experiences based on a deep understanding of his interests. Unschooling repositions education as an invitation and, importantly, non-coercion is essential to the approach: you do not force your children to learn. Instead, you persuade them that something is useful or cool or otherwise worthwhile and they choose to pursue it. The danger of unschooling (and its strawman) is that you let your kids do anything and they do nothing.

To fully understand the case for unschooling, you should go back and read what I’ve previously written about the case for recognizing children's need for autonomy and my deep dive into unschooling. But I’ll attempt to recap highlights and add some more comments before getting into how other homeschooling approaches might critique it.

Fundamentally, how much do you believe that you are the primary determinant of what happens in your life? If you choose to study hard, work hard, get married, stay married, pursue virtue, resist temptation, and save money, will things likely work out? Or has your fate been predetermined by your terrible parents, your unfair teachers, your over-demanding boss, delusional members of the opposite sex, your unjust society, your poverty, or that one thing (or many things) that happened to you? People who believe in an internal locus of control tend to be more motivated, more conservative, and more successful in a variety of measures - but, over time, more and more Americans have come to believe that external forces control their life. A significant reason may be that from a very young age, children are constantly, continuously told what they must do and given little opportunity to make their own decisions (and mistakes) and see the consequences. Unschooling gives kids personal responsibility (with parental advice) and lets them occasionally fail so they might better learn.

Figure 1. “To the untrained eye, this may seem like a clear-cut case. But, mother, I ask that you first check your privilege as a parent and indeed acknowledge your own responsibility for this inevitable result. Of course, it’s not just you - there are vast, world-historical socioeconomic effects at work here, yes, in which the sugar industry has saturated my cartoon airwaves with an irresistible call to consume but that itself is only a byproduct of the inherent exploitation of capitalism. Don’t give further into the patriarchy and tell me to wait until dad gets home. Let’s instead share this edible communal property in a gesture of defiance against the unjust structure that binds us both.”

But if you ask the typical parent what their kids would do if they were allowed to do anything, it would be endless video games between dessert for every meal. Plenty of parents reasonably argue that children’s brains are still developing, that they don’t know what’s right, and that there are lots of bad decisions that don’t have immediate obvious bad consequences to “learn your lesson.” The psychologist William Stixrud concedes that kids, inherently, are still developing but “kids need responsibility more than they deserve it.” Pure unschoolers argue that such parents underestimate their children - that, for example, boys’ obsession with video games results from their not being able to control any other aspect of their lives. Other unschoolers say that you are under no obligation to stock your house with sweets or buy your child a gaming console - that you can define some boundaries to your children’s universe. But it’s much easier if you follow those boundaries yourself. Other parents can be rationally skeptical of optimally self-regulating children when they consider how unemployed adults spend their time. But let’s set aside for a moment the extracurricular.

The founder of the most prominent unschooling institution, Sudbury, was a Columbia physics professor frustrated with his students; they gave his class rave reviews but “seemed motivated to get the highest grades they could while learning the least possible amount of the subject matter”; none used the class as inspiration to read and learn deeper outside the curriculum. An unschooling thesis is that school strangles children’s natural curiosity; liberated from the imposition of a curriculum, kids want to learn. An unschooled friend of mine was deeply amused during his UChicago JD/PhD program that he could not follow through on all the different research ideas he spontaneously came up with while his peers, having been told what to study for their entire lives, struggled to come up with one thing. And Harvard education grad Kerry McDonald insists, “The deepest, most meaningful, most enduring learning is the kind of learning that is self determined.”

But for reasons that are probably obvious, the small number of kids who are unschooled (and agree to a test) can underperform conventionally schooled kids on early standardized tests. Unschoolers are not especially concerned. Stixrud argues that “brain development makes it easier to learn virtually everything (except foreign languages) as we get older.” According to award-winning public school teacher John Taylor Gatto, “reading, writing, and arithmetic only take about one hundred hours to transmit as long as the audience is eager and willing to learn. The trick is to wait until someone asks and then move fast while the mood is on.” Sudbury more specifically reports that “it takes about twenty hours to learn the entire K–6 mathematics curriculum when a child is interested in learning it.” For context, the typical Tennessee child spends 7,000 hours in elementary school.

Figure 2. But reading, writing, and arithmetic are just a small fraction of the value of the patience and conformity of continuously standing in line and then managing your disappointment with whatever is at the end.

Unschoolers argue that you can entice kids to be interested in math and reading by their real-world applications and fascinations. Many get interested in math because of games (indeed, gameschooling is a variant of unschooling that tries to teach as much as possible in that way). Importantly, many unschoolers are skeptical of the usefulness of later math - but also argue that if a child wants to go to college, he will be motivated to pursue it. Other parents might reasonably conclude that children have an excessively high time preference - i.e. they tend to think of immediate rewards (of not doing work) instead of the bigger rewards of delayed gratification (a college degree that allows them to do more things) - and therefore need to be forced to do things now they don’t really know all the consequences of not doing. There’s very limited data on how many unschoolers go to college, but at Sudbury high school, operating since 1968, about 3/4 of alumni have gone on to college. Unschoolers definitely have to work harder to make their education legible to admissions offices. But some parents need to be reminded that not everyone (maybe not even most) should go to college.

A typical day for an unschooler is impossible to describe. McDonald has offered the analogy that unschooling should be like a museum offering exquisite exhibits to be experienced at pleasure, which could mean that parents spend a good deal of time preparing options to present. We led this essay with the idea of being a librarian for your kids, so each day might begin with asking kids what they’re interested in and jumping from there. Many unschoolers take full advantage of the liberation from classrooms to make life a constant field trip around their city or around the world. Other unschoolers pursue apprenticeships and work experience. Unschoolers are also quite zealous about the opportunity for kids to free play, figuring things out on their own. Psychologist Peter Gray argues that, in free play, children get to “solve their own problems, create and abide by rules,” though a lot of the benefits come from interacting with other kids, which can be harder for homeschoolers. And I do wonder if fully embracing every kid’s opportunity to exit at any time undermines resilience.

Figure 3. The positive fictional vibe of unschooling is Huckleberry Finn, an American classic. We could also throw in the charming pirate of the Caribbean Jack Sparrow. More ambiguously we could get the system-rejecting Tyler Durden of Fight Club or the Norse trickster Loki. But the fear is that you get Alex DeLarge of Clockwork Orange.

Unschooling can range widely in its vigor depending on the exact philosophy parents choose, how creative and hard-working the parents want to be, and ultimately how interested and self-starting the children are. Some parents just kind of wind up at unschooling without really thinking about it, trying to create something gentle for their children, or the parents are too overwhelmed to do anything else. One intentionally gentle approach says all you have to do is “provide a rich environment, involve children in everyday living, and help find answers to their questions.” A popular “eclectic” compromise that pleases neither the academically rigorous traditional nor the freedom-maximizing unschoolers is to run through the bare bones of the traditional program (at least as much to satisfy state requirements) in a couple hours in the morning and then otherwise “let kids be kids” doing what they want. Some version of unschooling is probably a default when parents don’t have their act together and yet it arguably works best (perhaps only works) when parents have their act very together: curating a deep curriculum based on a child’s interests can be harder for parents than a one-size-fits all Traditional approach that tells you exactly what to do when.

Regardless, adults unschooling kids do three things: model the behaviors you want your kids to pursue, give your kids a rich variety of opportunities to explore, and empower your kids to chase their curiosities to the maximum.

But how might other homeschooling approaches critique and comment on unschooling? (Note that this is imaginative speculation, not quotation, from each point of view)

Evidence-based Traditional: Unschoolers underperform academically, which should surprise no one because they don’t diligently work through academics. Unschooling is also so varied that it’s hard to pin down for comparison but it almost inevitably leaves gaps. Lots of children, maybe most, need structure to thrive. Unschoolers take their biggest insight and then become all too extreme about it. Even if you accept their psychological and anthropological claims that children need more autonomy, a child homeschooled with an evidence-based Traditional program can get through it in a fraction of the institutional school day and have plenty of time left over to do whatever he’d like if you don’t overschedule his formal extracurriculars. And if you really want to lean into your children’s interests, you should require broad exposure for quite some time because children don’t know all the things that could interest them - not every boy is bound to become a truck-driver or paleontologist. Unschooling inherently and intentionally rejects everything about Traditional school but Traditional works. It’s possible for unschoolers to invite kids to best practices but school is work and it sets people up for life in modern society.

Figure 4. Traditionalists would say Unschooling is like building a custom car from scratch for a customer who knows nothing but is asked to decide every single part; stick with the expertly engineered model that works in millions of units and you can still give the customer a few choices like color and leather seats.

Specialists: Excellence requires pushing past pain points and unschoolers are too prone to exit too fast. Mastery requires continuous critical feedback and unschoolers are too averse to external judgment lest it endanger internal motivation. When your children understand that they can truly master something, that will give them a broader confidence that is akin to an internal locus of control. You can take something of an unschooling approach at first by introducing your child to a rich variety of options but when you find the thing that your child has a knack for, go deep, go all in - and that means requirements. It’s the difference between pick-up basketball and the Olympics.
PhD Dad Art Robinson: Unschoolers underestimate children - Traditional school’s standards are bad enough without abandoning standards altogether. The unschoolers are correct about how ridiculously easy elementary school basics are but they come to the wrong conclusion: they cease to care when exactly children pick up literacy and numeracy but should instead start early and zip through it. But that doesn’t just happen because a kid is interested - you need high expectations and discipline. If a child is interested in something, unschoolers need to avoid giving the “developmentally appropriate” (i.e. dumbed down) book but instead give them the best book on the subject in the world - even if kids don’t pick up everything, they’ll know what excellence is. But even an unschooler “interested” in physics will never understand it without first doing the hard work of mastering math. Children must be required to excel at the basics, then they can pursue their interests - and, in doing so, their play will be much more sophisticated and capable of helping the world.
Unit studies: Unschoolers can be extremely creative about using the world as a classroom but they too often fail to follow up with that in ways that systematically teach the way the world works. And if a parent has made the effort to bring a child to something magnificent and insightful, a child can’t simply be allowed to stay in the car and play on his iPad - some visits are once in a lifetime (or at least once in a childhood) opportunities. A real education involves children seeing all the subjects through all angles, not choosing which ones they like.
Bible First: Unschoolers get one big thing right - if you want your kids to love the Gospel, then you better demonstrate your own love for the Word and how it profoundly affects you! Live your faith, practice virtue, pray without ceasing, and read the Scriptures both aloud to your kids and for yourself. But, while you cannot compel the hearts of your children, you must be a good shepherd for those in your trust and that will certainly mean real limits and responsibilities that at least some unschoolers would reject as “coercive.” The kind of parenting we see modeled in the Bible is much more authoritative - and children are commanded to obey their parents. With that awesome responsibility, however, you must wisely exercise servant leadership modeled on the ever-loving Father. Education should ultimately not be dictated merely and entirely by a child’s interest - that may provide some clues into a child’s vocation, but it needs to be shaped so that she can best glorify God - and it must include a deep personal study of theology.
Pioneers: Many boys would benefit from a delay of formal academics from the Traditional start. Unschoolers admirably abandon the regular curriculum in favor of what interests - and boys tend to have different interests than what Traditional has become. But unschoolers probably go too far, especially if they allow an endless supply of video games which tend to destroy self-control. Most boys need a mix of autonomy and structure to succeed. It’s the difference between being let loose in a city and being put on an obstacle course designed specifically for boys.
Pragmatists: Unschoolers have many great practical approaches (e.g. leaning into work experiences, skeptical of advanced math) but they are too fundamentalist about never coercing children. Life involves all kinds of things you don’t want to do but have to (or should). Who is really interested in balancing their checkbook? Once someone really knows how to take care of himself, including developing the right work ethic, he can pursue his interests.
Classical: A childhood is barely enough time to teach the highlights of Western civilization! Even if you tried an unholy unschooling/classical combination that merely invited children to take on the Classical curriculum, inevitably they would decline to pursue some things and miss out. But most unschoolers wind up somewhere at the opposite end of Classical, leaving children as ignorant barbarians unworthy of the franchise. Elementary children need to be memorizing facts, not wandering aimlessly. Teenagers need to be learning how to articulate themselves, not off drag-racing somewhere. Unschooling is a perfect example of why conservatives bristle at libertarians: the Founders of the United States understood that freedom only works if accompanied by virtue. Taste must be trained; give your children the intellectual equivalent of 1869 Château Lafite Rothschild or else they’ll just chuck box wine. Or to keep things clear for those under 21: Unschooling is like trying to bake a cake by just throwing whatever ingredients you like into the bowl. Sure, you might get something edible, but wouldn't you rather follow some recipe by one of the best chefs ever?

Figure 5. Classicists insist: Plato is not a kids' putty!

PhD Dad Bryan Caplan: Unschoolers will have an especially difficult time signaling to potential colleges and/or employers conformity, intelligence, and conscientiousness. It is stridently nonconformist, it resists testing, and it enables exit at any time. Unschooling may or may not be an actually better education than Traditional and is admirably libertarian in its ethos but its practitioners need to be aware of how hard they are making it on themselves given the state of society. Some unschooling parents are way too hands off, leaving children to figure everything out on their own, when lots of children want direction. Requiring basics expands your kids’ career options; those basics can be tailored for children’s particular interests and then they can pursue those interests even deeper. But very few people will just naturally work the math problems that gain them access to higher paying professions.
Mentors: Unschoolers are admirably more interested in varied adult interaction than other approaches. At its best, the suggested academic collaboration between adults and children, the pursuit of apprenticeships, and the accompaniment of kids with parents in their adult activities all can be wonderful. But unschoolers will miss out if their child spends too much time alone in her own universe or, worse, if they let their child choose a typical “kids” activity in which they spend all their time with other similarly-aged children. Unschoolers also underappreciate the value of their kids being bored, which can lead to profound insight. Unschooling is like giving kids a library card - at its best, adults provide suggestions; mentors instead seek out the authors of their favorite books. An ideal mentoring program can and should be driven by a child’s particular strengths, but it should not stop and start with a child’s whims.
Montessori: Unschooling is a Montessori cousin of arguable distance that is admirably child-centered. Unschooling benefits from giving children choice but suffers from giving them too much (sometimes unlimited) choice. Montessori places an incredible amount of thoughtfulness into its materials and they have demonstrated that they can sustain a child’s interest while teaching her something valuable. Montessori offers ordered liberty; unschooling offers chaos.
Charlotte Mason: Unschooling is unparenting. All human beings crave just authority, which unschooling abdicates. Even traditional schools in Mason’s era had, in Charlotte’s own words, “intolerable individualism” that demanded correction through the inoculation of patriotism. You curse your kids if you let them build up bad habits due to your lack of intervention. You cannot be governed by a child’s interests in comic books or trashy romance, you must shape their interests, choosing (and only allowing) the best books available to read. But incredibly and distressingly, an unschooled child may never read a book! Although unschoolers claim that the most enduring learning is self-directed, that’s just because they don’t compel their children to pay attention and help them reformulate the world in their own words. Most unschooled “learning” is fast Gone with the Wind. Unschooling is the Lord of the Flies of homeschooling and it is to be avoided.
Cyberschoolers: An admirably first principles approach that is probably the most technologically friendly, but does it make the best use of technology? Is it really the case that if you thought of what the best possible education could be for a child from scratch, you would come up with nearly completely deferring to the child? In significant ways, other approaches have specific output goals while unschooling has an overarching constraint on means and is either indifferent to output or justifies it ex post facto. If an absolute commitment to non-coercion is your thing, unschooling is great - but that’s an ideological position. If you aspire to high standards and deep personalization and customization, we can figure that out.

Have I missed an important critique of Unschooling? Let me know.

My own takeaway: in pursuing what’s best for your kids, consider their point of view. Too often other approaches are fully paternalistic, dictating every aspect of education to achieve a parentally assigned goal. Personally I think some paternalism is necessary - I do believe in making kids do certain things - but unschooling is inspiring in just how customizable education can be. Establish whatever you find important for your kids - but give them plenty of autonomy to choose what they like (with appropriate guardrails). And really help them pursue their good interests diligently - not just giving them time to read Wikipedia on their subject, but find all the paths that allow them to explore it in full. If you believe the claims of unschooling, it offers some comfort that giving very young kids substantial choice won’t leave them too far behind, because so much of the elementary skills are in fact elementary and easily caught up on. Unschooling attracts a lot of scorn for being too loose but in many ways unschooling is where everyone winds up: adults freely pursue what engages their ambitions and delight. And there’s a decent argument that giving children more flexibility early will result in less need for stringency later - it’s also very hard for an angsty teenager to say her parents are ruining her life if she has substantial choice about how her life is going: what are her own goals and how can you lovingly advise her on how to achieve them? Ultimately, figure out how to give your children responsibility to match their capability and accountability to match their liberty.

Figure 6. GPT’s impression of the most stereotypical unschooled students.

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